I am a pastor’s wife. I am also the worship leader at the church my husband and I pastor. It is a joy and an honor to do ministry with my husband and children… most of the time.
I have to admit that there are times when we get weary. Most of the time, it’s when we’ve lost our focus. See, there’s this thing that gets us off track. It’s very common for people to express how much they like, or dislike at times, our ministry style and how they enjoy coming to church.
That’s a good thing, right? Well, it is until it isn’t. When those same people stop coming to church regularly and start missing over simple things that one shouldn’t really be missing church over, that’s when the struggle begins.
This is when it becomes easy to start thinking we might be doing something wrong. Or start questioning what we are doing differently that has made them not as eager to attend services.
Do you know what the problem with this thinking is? It has made church about us instead of God. I’m being completely vulnerable in this post and I pray that you will read it with an open mind. Please remember that pastors are human too and have to be vigilant to keep our focus where it should be. I want to give you some insight on a common insecurity that your pastor most likely struggles with.
The thing we need to remember is that if the only reason you’re coming to church is because you like your pastor, you will not stay long. Of course we want you to like us and we want to do the best job we can with the calling that God has given us. But I have learned through the years that what Lecrae says is true, “If you live for their approval, you’ll die from their rejection”. We are probably never going to have every person’s approval on everything we do. So that leaves part of us dying constantly if we’re overly concerned about man’s opinion of us.
Church members, you have to remember that your pastor is your shepherd, not your savior. I’ve noticed that it’s easy for church members to fall into two categories at times. They lean toward idolizing their pastor, or crucifying him. Neither of these things are healthy. Your pastor is not perfect. Believe me, I live with mine and call him my husband. He would tell you the same exact thing about me.
We’re just normal people doing the best that we can to fulfill the call that God has placed on our lives and love the people He has put in our care. I will tell you that my husband, as well as any good pastor, takes this thing very seriously and would do just about anything he could for the members of our church. This includes making the place you call your church home a place you are proud of and that you love to attend. However, as much as he wants to do for you, he cannot make you come or serve Jesus. That’s something you have to make a decision to do for yourself.
So what is a church to do? Well, first off, pastors, we need to stop trying to make people like us and start praying that they fall in love with Jesus. Worship leaders, we have to do the same. And then, we all need to do that. We need to fall in love with Jesus! If you’re just not feeling it, ask him to give you the desire that you want to have. He will do it.
People often fall into traps about how to make their churches grow and how to become more seeker friendly. I’m going to give you the most basic but also the most needed information you can get. Fall in love with Jesus and do what He says to do. No, seriously. That’s all you need to do.
Stop talking about what your pastor is doing wrong and start partnering with him to have the best church you can have. Stop thinking about what you would do if you were the pastor and for heaven’s sake, stop telling everyone what you would do. If you have insight on something that you think might help your pastor, absolutely share it with him. But don’t get mad when he doesn’t do everything you say to do.
If God wants you to be a pastor, He will call you and equip you to do that. If you are not a pastor, stop trying to be one and be the best church member you can be! When your pastor gets to heaven, he will stand before God and answer for the choices and decisions he made, not you.
Love God and love people. How do we love people? Well, let’s just start by being nice to them. People want to be where they not only know they are loved but also where they feel loved and accepted. I don’t want to go where I feel like I’m being talked about and looked at as if I’m not good enough to be there.
Give up your seat if a guest wants to sit where you normally do, and do it with a smile on your face. Give them the best opportunity to experience the goodness of God through you until they are able to experience Him for themselves. That’s when our churches will grow. When we get back to the basics of true Christianity.
Telina Frye is the author of Dare to Dream, as well as a pastor’s wife and mother to her 13 year old son and 10 year old daughter.
She is a singer/songwriter and a natural born dreamer. Telina is also credentialed in the Church of God as an Exhorter and holds a Minister of Music License. She serves as the worship leader at the church where her husband serves as lead pastor.
Telina loves having deep, meaningful conversations about what is and what could be. She hopes this blog will inspire readers to dare to look past what is, see what can be, and reach for the impossible.